9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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