his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
