I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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