Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
