my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
