No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
