ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
