I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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