My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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