did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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