i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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