Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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