dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
