i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
