If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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