Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
