Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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