My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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