Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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