Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
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I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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