I must be too annoying 4 u.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
