is your mom at the bar?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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