I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
