Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize