So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
