you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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