you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You were trust falling into bushes
COCAINE IS GR8
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
