A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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