why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
