We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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