I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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