he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
