i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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