So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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