How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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