if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
its not stalking. its research.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
