Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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