I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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