the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Couch. On fire.
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