you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
