The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
