Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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