come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He shit in the fireplace
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
