Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
