Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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