I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
