so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
