Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
