Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
