Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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