if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you never un-have a 4some
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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