I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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