Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
