The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
