I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
