I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
