I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
