haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
