What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
