it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
