remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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