I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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