so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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