You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
