I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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