girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
whose parrot is this?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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