i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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