i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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