Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
