how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
