Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
