he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
