some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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