Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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