why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
