i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
