By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
