Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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