when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i drank out of a bidet.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
