I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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