i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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