she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
handjob tips. give me some.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
