Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
