your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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