So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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