you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
