So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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